Escape from Within
by AgentRez
Summary: One character's struggle with posttraumatic stress. Not saying more because I don't want to ruin anything for overseas people. Spoilers through 6x20.


This takes place after 6x20. I came up with the idea last week, but reworked it after seeing that episode. Reviews welcome and appreciated 

_The following is a deleted scene from the 2 AM episode:_  
James Heller is guiding Audrey toward the exit when he spots Mike Doyle.

"Agent Doyle, can I see you for a minute?"

"Yeah, of course. What's going on?"

"They told me that you played a critical role in bringing Audrey back here safely. I just wanted to say thank you."

"I appreciate it sir, but I'm not the one you should be thanking. To tell you the truth, I was there to recover the stolen component, nothing else. If it weren't for Jack she'd probably be dead by now."

Heller scoffs. "If it weren't for Jack, she wouldn't have been in this situation in the first place, so forgive me if I don't feel overwhelmed with gratitude."

Doyle hesitates for a second, then speaks up. "With all due respect, sir, I think that's a mistake."

Heller is caught off guard. "Excuse me?"

"Jack didn't ask Audrey to go to China looking for him. I know that he wishes she hadn't gone as much as you do."

"That's not the point, and frankly, it's none of your business."

"Fine. But there's something else you should know. Jack never intended to let Cheng get his hands on the component. He was going to detonate it with C4 as soon as Audrey was safe."

"What, and kill himself in the process?"

"He would have done it if I hadn't intervened, sir. He was going to sacrifice his own life to get her out of there."

Doyle pauses for a moment, then continues. "Mr. Secretary, my daughter's only two, but if she ever grows up to meet a man who loves her half that much, I'll be the happiest father on the planet."

Heller's lack of response makes it clear that what Doyle said had an impression on him.

Doyle walks away, and Heller turns back to his daughter, kissing the top of her head as he leads her toward the door to the parking lot.

* * *

_The following takes place one week after season 6:_

**HOTEL ROOM - WESTWOOD, LOS ANGELES**

James Heller slowly opens his eyes when he hears sobbing. Sighing, he gets up and walks into the adjoining room of the suite.

A pained expression appears on his face when he sees Audrey curled up into a ball and quivering with fear. He is afraid of frightening her, so he tiptoes over to the bed and gently sits down, wrapping his arms around her. She flinches and hugs her knees even tighter.

"Audie, listen to me. You were having a bad dream. It's just a dream. You're safe now, I promise."

Audrey just cries for several minutes and doesn't say anything. After a few minutes, he hears something barely coherent come out of her mouth. "Please...stop...hurting...him," she sputters. Heller looks alarmed by what he hears, realizing her nightmare is about Jack's experiences rather than her own. She had these kind of nightmares before she went to China, and seeing her suffer so much then was a big part of why he doesn't want Jack near his daughter now. But her nightmare pose a dilemma: unlike before she left for China, he could now tell her that Jack was safe, but he knew that if he did she would want to see him. He looks at her for a moment, trying to gage how lucid she is, and then decides that he has to tell her the truth. He can't make her suffer more by letting her believe that Jack is still in China.

"Honey, Jack's okay...he's not in China anymore. They got him out...he's safe now."

She stares at him blankly, trying to comprehend. After a minute she shakes her head, indicating that she doesn't believe her father.

Heller sighs. In his heart, he knows what Doyle said to him the other day was right. He remembers hearing her cry herself to sleep for hours every night after Jack was taken, and he couldn't stand the thought of her going through that again. But he realizes now that he may be the one putting her through it again. Maybe she was more aware than he thought, and she might even blame him for taking Jack away from her. He takes a deep breath, and then makes a decision.

* * *

**HOTEL ROOM - DOWNTOWN LOS ANGELES  
**

Jack is wandering around his hotel room, restless and unable to sleep, when he hears his phone ring.

"This is Bauer."

"Jack, it's Jim Heller."

Jack looks surprised. "Mr Secretary..."

"I'm sorry to call so late."

"It's alright, I couldn't fall asleep. How's Audrey doing?"

"She's having a rough night. Listen, Jack, I wanted to apologize for what I said to you last week at CTU. I was way out of line."

"No you weren't, sir. You were being a protective father. Frankly, I can't imagine I'd have reacted to much differently if it were my daughter."

Heller sighs. "The truth is, I blame myself for what happened to her. If I had only pushed a little harder for the government to investigate her so-called death, we could have figured out that she was being held and we could have gotten her back much sooner."

"Mr. Secretary, the Chinese went to pretty extreme lengths to make it look like she was dead. I don't think you can blame yourself for believing it. And you were right with what you said at CTU. If it weren't for me, she never would have been in this position."

"Jack, if it weren't for you, she'd be dead and so would I."

"Mr. Secretary, with all due respect, I don't think you called me at three in the morning just to apologize."

Heller sighs. "No, you're right. I called because Audie's having a nightmare and I don't know what to do about it. She thinks you're still in China and she keeps asking me to make someone stop hurting you. I told her you were out of China and that you were safe, but she just stared at me blankly."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I don't think she's going to believe it if she hears it from me. I think she needs to hear it from you."

"I thought you wanted me to stay away from her."

"I thought so too, but she's not responding to me, Jack. I realized that she doesn't know the Chinese faked her death...she's probably wondering why I didn't do anything to get her out of there. She probably thinks I abandoned her. They said you were able to get through to her when they brought her back to CTU, and maybe you can get through to her again."

Jack hesitates for a moment. He wants to see her more than anything, but he is afraid Heller was right before about him being a curse. He still blames himself for Audrey going to China, and he is afraid that her father will change his mind, forcing him to once again promise her he'll be there and then abandon her.

"Sir, I want to know that you're not going to let me see her once and then push me away again if it doesn't work the first time. I can't promise her that I'm going to be there for her if I'm afraid I'll have to break that promise again."

Heller sighs.

"Other than finishing your debrief, are you done with CTU?"

"I think so, sir."

"Damnit, Jack! If I'm going to let you back into my daughter's life I want to know that you're not going to go and get yourself killed. I want your word that you're going to retire from field work once and for all."

"Fair enough. I promise. As long as Audrey's in my life I won't do anything to put myself in danger."

Heller pauses for a minute, then continues.

"I want to take this slow, Jack. I'm willing to let you see her but I'm not ready for you to take her away from me yet. I want her to stay with me for a little while, until she's recovered a little more. And I need to know that you're okay first."

"What do you mean?"

"You've been through a pretty traumatic ordeal yourself, Jack. I want to make sure that you're up for taking care of her, physically and emotionally, before I let you take her away from me."

"I'm not going to take her away from you, sir. I just want to help her. We both want what's best for her, sir."

"Very well."

"Is she still in the hospital?"

"No, they released her yesterday, but they wanted me to hold off on taking her back to Washington because they want to keep an eye on her for a few weeks. We're at the Beverly Hilton near UCLA."

"When can I see her?"

"Whenever you want. Why don't you go back to sleep, and come up here when you wake up in the morning?"

"Sir, I wasn't asleep to begin with. Why don't I head over there now?"

"This isn't a test, Jack. I'm not going to think any less of you if you wait until morning."

"I know that sir. I just want to see her as soon as I can."

Heller can't help but smile to himself.

"You really missed her, didn't you?"

"More than you could ever know," Jack says, his voice getting a little choked up.

"Alright, then. I'll send directions to your PDA. I'll tell Audrey you're coming, maybe by some miracle she'll understand."

He hangs up the phone and goes back into Audrey's room, a look of anguish on his face as he sees that she is hidden under the covers and still shaking.


End file.
